If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
