So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
