I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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