i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
