i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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