I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think my vagina is haunted
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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