I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
