I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
