Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
