just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
