We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
