even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
