Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
