There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
