Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
