At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i barfeds in our rink
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
