the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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