she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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