YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Congratulations! We have a period
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
