i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
