Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
