I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have fence marks all over my body
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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