i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My bed smells like the plague
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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