theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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