I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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