I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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