eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
