Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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