Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
