We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
