U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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