i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
