So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
