This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
