Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
