State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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