NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
