My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
