Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
