..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
