I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
