im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
