Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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