she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
