I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
