So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
