I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
