I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
