watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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