nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
